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No, Ana did not protest; yes, it is still rape to break into someone’s home and shove your penis inside of her after she has explicitly told you in writing to go away.I would be remiss not to point out that Christian himself had been raped — but neither he nor Ana acknowledges it as anything but "seduction." At 15, a kid cannot consent to be the submissive of his mother’s friend.If you’re new to kink and want the silky-soft feel, you’re going to have to sacrifice a necktie like Christian did.

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There is also more than one way to be a dom — and, as demonstrated by Christian, many ways NOT to be one. It’s all about following the rules — at least, for his submissive.

Christian breaks just about every rule he establishes for his BDSM relationship, plus several more pre-existing rules of the general social contract (like don’t fucking stalk people).

Backhand simply doesn’t allow enough control for such a precise implement.9.

There is an important difference between silk neckties and silk scarves.

The film implies that this is what it means to be “into” BDSM, but the reality is that most people who are kinky casually incorporate individual acts like spanking and bondage into their sex lives.

There’s a whole spectrum between that and using BDSM as the guiding principle of one’s existence, so don’t let this movie fool you into thinking "lifestyle" kink is the only — or even the usual — alternative to vanilla sex.2.

I absolutely won’t deny that childhood trauma can create later emotional problems for some survivors, nor will I insist that trauma cannot reshape sexuality.

However, there is hardly evidence to suggest that most kinky people are like Christian, or that most abuse survivors grow up to be abusive, like he is.5.

It’s true that many dominants have a serious demeanor and use reasonable, negotiated, and agreed-upon forms of control like orgasm denial and spoken protocol (“Yes, Ma’am! But it’s also true that doms can be playful and permissive, caring and nurturing, casually in charge, or any combination thereof.

By definition, the only thing the dominant has to do to is call the shots (again, based on reasonable, negotiated, and agreed-upon terms). Throughout the movie, Christian repeatedly insists that he “doesn’t do” romance, that he simply “isn’t like that.” His interest in BDSM is depicted as being in opposition to any kind of romantic affection, but for the overwhelming majority of people who enjoy kink, that isn’t the case at all. Being into BDSM, being abused, and being abusive are not necessarily related in any way.

If a guy tells you he’s into BDSM, don’t assume that means he wants you to sign a contract that will allow him to dictate your wardrobe, diet, and sleeping arrangements.