As I entered my 20s and began dating more, I recognized that this "girl" was the type of woman most dudes seemed to go ga-ga over.
Then, in 2014, with the release of the film adaptation of , the term "Cool Girl" entered into the millennial lexicon. But since society has told us that men are more interested in cool, hot chicks who are into the things they’re into, are chill with casual sex, and who never freak out over an ignored text, for a long time I suppressed my natural, rigid feelings and plastered on a smile.
He said he felt like I was confused about what our relationship was, and that it seemed like I was looking for something more serious, and he wasn’t.
I took a deep breath, and typed back a response: You’re right — I am looking for something serious.
The popular girls who the boys "liked" back then (whatever the hell that means in fifth grade) were the girls who would run around and play football with them.
When I shared my realization with my parents, they confirmed that, sure, a lot of little boys liked girls who could hang.
And for me, getting to this place took more than simply identifying what was wrong with the Cool Girl.
I had to actually take that knowledge and use it to change my behavior in order to make a connection that meant something to me.But I’ve also been able to more easily spot the guys who are interested in the same things I am. Those men also appreciate the labels and the boundaries. I may not fit society’s version of "cool," but I do think what I’ve gained from ditching that trope is a lot cooler.Instead of treating a date like an audition, I now see it as a low-pressure interview — one in which I’m the person behind the desk instead of in front of it.But there was a small voice in the back of my head that said, Luckily, that was the voice I decided to listen to. But the more I practiced, the better I got at asserting myself and my wants and needs when it came to relationships.I met a guy at a bar who happened to be friends with some guys I knew in college.It was a seriously alienating time — one in which I completely lost myself.